Powerllama

Sometimes I think we all tend to live in the moment a bit more than we should. I caught myself doing this today. After reading it all over the place in the news this week, I've learned that al Qaeda is planning a 'Terror Spectacular' for us. I've learned that they've managed to build up their strength to pre-9/11 levels, and we're now at an elevated level of alert for terrorist attacks. I've learned that no matter who's in charge, Iraq is still going to have to get much worse before it starts getting better. I've learned that terrorism is ineffective, but nobody realizes this; not the US government, not the terrorists, and not the countless innocent civilians who will be the most likely victims should another attack occur. And after thinking about this, weighing in the fact that I have to board a plane tomorrow afternoon - Friday the 13th - and fly into JFK International Airport to spend the better part of a week in New York City, I'm slightly uneasy -- but not for obvious reasons.

See, we've all been operating in the "if, not when" mindset. IF we get attacked again, how and where will it happen? IF we get attacked again, how will we react, and what will that accomplish? Well, unfortunately, in the modern world in which we live, terrorism is a fact of life. It's going to happen again, somewhere. Am I likely to die tomorrow? Not really. I'll wait in some ridiculously long lines I'm sure, and maybe I'll get strip searched, but I'm most likely going to wake up Saturday morning in NYC. Still, there is going to come a day just as horrific as September 11, 2001. And nobody knows how that's going to play out, but it doesn't matter. Having only lived through one such tragedy as an adult with the cognitive ability to fully understand such a complicated web of circumstances and reactions, it almost seems like a blip on the radar. Regretfully, it's not, and though I probably won't ever be a victim of such an attack, we live in a time where everyone can be a bystander, lined up as close to the action as they would like to be.

And so I guess this is the day I truly realized the inevitability of massive tragedy for the first time.

Lightningswan

I don't know if it's laziness. Maybe it's just a lack of discipline. Maybe I'm just too tired, or maybe I'm just working too hard. One way or the other, though, I'm falling so behind on everything at home. Normally the fallback excuse is something along the lines of "I'm too busy to do that now." Unfortunately, I've had the last three (3!) nights off and I haven't done anything but play video games, watch half a season of Scrubs, and generally waste time. Sometimes this sort of thing makes me (honestly) wonder if there's something wrong with me.

Hyperadder

I think now is a good time to continue with the same thought I was ruminating on in the last post. I don't really care that much about dating, really. I came to a conclusion just now that I have less balance in my life now than I ever have, even though I've been pretty insistent (mostly to myself) that I do. All I want right now is more of everything; more music to play, more money to spend, more people around, more time to enjoy everything, and so on. There's a part of me that wonders why, considering the fact that as it is I'm feeling like there's less time than ever to make everything happen. How would I fit any more in? I guess that brings me to the next point, and it's really the last thought I have for the night: What is it that I am doing, and why is it making me so frustrated and so unsatisfied?

"I guess I have a lot of pondering to do."
-Derek Zoolander, ca 2001 / Me, ca 2007