Hyperbass

Decisions are not easy for me. Big ones, small ones, pretty much anything in between - when I'm faced with these decisions, I tend to freeze like a deer lanced by the xenon swords of a Range Rover speeding toward it.

I get the feeling that this is probably not a good thing.

Anyway. I've finally agreed with my paranoid subconscious that it would be okay to settle into a semi-serious relationship should a good opportunity arise. Of course, it took such an opportunity and a soft ultimatum to get me there, but I got there. Unfortunately, I finally came to that decision after spending the better part of a month alternating between fretting about it and completely ignoring it, sometimes both within the span of five minutes, and she gave up about twelve hours before I finally made up my mind. I never said I'm not at least a little crazy. Oh well. But anyway, who cares? A big decision was made, so this problem is solved, no?

No, of course it isn't. This would be a much shorter post if it was. A week or two ago a former coworker sent me an email telling me it was "time" and that I should get my résumé ready. Knowing what I know about referral bonuses in the modern corporate environment, I was more or less content to laugh it off and tell him to try someone else, but as it turns out he had actually spoken with people in his company and they decided they wanted to talk to me, so the next email I got was from a representative from their HR department. So, I decided I'd talk to them, partly out of curiosity about the job, partly because I couldn't see a good reason NOT to, and partly because there were a few things I was not wild about at my current job and salary reviews were just around the corner. The contact turned into a phone interview with HR, which turned into a phone interview (of course conducted while I was commuting to work, because I take life SO seriously) with the practice area lead. These led to in-person interviews, which were conducted this morning.

I'll spare anyone reading this (as well as myself since I'm writing it) the gory details, but I can say that there is an abnormal amount of whiteboard space in their office and they made me do math right in front of them, which was certainly not a scenario I ever envisioned even in my wildest of algebra class daydreams.

Ultimately what this all means is that within the next two days a decision will be made about whether or not to extend me an offer, and if they do I'm right back to having to make another big decision. I get the feeling that I did pretty poorly last time this happened and I ended up getting burned, and really getting the worst of both worlds; I'm okay with dating the girl and she doesn't want to date me now. I can't see how I'd spin that as a win, although it's certainly not some sort of epic loss. Either way, that's what I'm looking at again with this decision. I can't lose with a good job and salary negotiations right around the corner. It's not like they're going to pay me less money. However, this could be a great opportunity facing me and I might really botch it, possibly even ruffling some feathers in my current organization as well. I would hate to see that happen.

Needless to say, I'm really looking forward to April. For one, this decision, if I have to make one, will be behind me and I'll either be refocusing my career path at my current job or packing up my personal stuff and moving it to a new office by my birthday. And who knows, maybe turning 25 will also magically make me better at making decisions. Or maybe just less prone to making stupid wishes that involve magic intervention and perfect alignment of lifespan and the Gregorian calendar. I'm not going to hold my breath for either, though.